I realized earlier that my friend group has changed drastically enough that pretty much no one outside of my family was there for my vegan/vegetarian phase. Which is a funny thing to realize because that “phase” lasted like ten years.
I’m not going to get into the moral reasoning or why I transitioned in either direction, but I will say that it shaped my tastes pretty heavily, and even though I have no problem eating meat nowadays I still don’t eat much of it unless I’m with my husband. We went to the in-laws’ the other day and there was steak on the table that had been carefully marinated for several days, an absolute treat, and I just ate a huge salad soaked in vinegar and oil. Didn’t touch the meat, not interested.
Since Samson was born I’ve made several half-hearted attempts at dieting. I’ve got about 13 pounds sticking around from the pregnancy, and I know that after my next one I’ll have another 13 at least. And I don’t want to just jump a dress size every time I have a baby, plus the couple pounds people naturally gain every year or so. I know that pregnancies are healthier when your starting weight is lower, so it would be a favor to myself to get back to where I was last summer. But dieting is stupid and punishing and in my opinion drives people a little nutso. There’s just something about giving humans a numbers system like calories, we get weird about it and try to game the system. At one point I talked myself down from the recommended 1400 calories to 700 because I kept being like, “If I eat one less snack than yesterday, I’ll lose weight that much faster!” By the time I realized what I was doing, I was eating less than a two year old should. Then I stopped doing that and bought a cake.
I’m also not really looking for a “lifestyle change”. I hate it when people say “you shouldn’t diet, you should seek to change your lifestyle permanently.” Or when people say, “I’m a skinny person trapped in a fat person’s body.” And I hate this image that gets passed around tumblr and pinterest and wherever else.
Let’s be real here. I’m trying to lose some weight, but I will most likely find it again. You go through different stages in your life, and while it’s good to be healthy, there’s nothing wrong with trying to slim down for summer and then fattening up again once it’s winter (better known as cookie season). There’s nothing wrong with saying, “Huh, this dress doesn’t fit. Well, I have a week till the party.” And then going on a cleanse real quick. If you’re an athlete, that’s awesome, but I’m not and I see no reason I should have to eat and exercise like one for the rest of my natural born life. We will all get fat, old, and wrinkled. Accept it and eat the cake.
So, knowing that I am too insane in the membrane to count calories and knowing that I just don’t care enough to be super fit, how do I intend to shift my body mass? By going back to old habits.
Like I said, my tastes were heavily shaped by my earlier vegetarianism, I can slip back into it easy peasy. I (eventually) figured out how to get all my nutrition and vitamins, so I’ll still be healthy. And the food groups you cut out by going vegan just so happen to be the most calorically dense food groups. A cube of cheese is the same calorically as an entire apple, and I don’t know about you, but right now I eat way more than a single cube of cheese a day.
I started this morning, and I’m already doing better than I have the past week. It’s hard to say, “Oh, I know I’m hungry, but I’m not allowed to eat anymore.” It’s much easier to say, “Oh, I can’t eat that because it’s got milk and stuff, but I can totally eat as many rasberries as I want.”
Incidentally, raspberry boxes (y’know that normally cost $6 for a handful and a half) are only $1.50 right now. That may or may not be contributing to my choices.