If at first you don’t succeed, please stop because you’re making us all uncomfortable.

I don’t know who posted this originally, I found it on tumblr without a link, but they deserve a medal for the patience displayed.

This makes me glad I got married at 18, because proper dating was never a thing, and I never had to deal with people like this.






Talking to other authors…

There is a secret world for internet columnists, one that I have recently been exposed to. In the interest of full disclosure I will be recording it here for public record.
Me: Facebook has some weird stickers
Bryan: That is a dude who’s into bestiality and BDSM, and his flag belongs to no nation.
Me: Hey now, maybe it’s not bestiality, maybe his dog is just very dapper.
Bryan: The dog is flesh-colored. That’s upsetting.
Me: It’s a Chihuahau. They’re like the hairless cats of dogs, except they have hair. And are not cats.
Bryan: Chihuahuas don’t abide hats like that. I know this for a fact.
Bryan: Thanks, Uncle Milford, and your rat-dog from hell.
Me: I thought you were going to bed.
Bryan: I can’t. Today was an angry day.
Me: Ah. Well maybe you will calm down with some cat videos.
Me: Or you could watch 19 Kids and Counting. Michelle’s voice is very soothing.
Me: Quiet like a mouse.
Bryan: Ah. I’m doing it the old-fashioned way like the Amish.
Bryan: Waiting until my phone dies.
Me: And then angrily staring into the dark. Gotcha.
Bryan: YES! How did you ever!
Me: Then I will keep bothering you (and everyone else) until your phone dies.
Me: I’m a good friend like that.

Disembodied Baby Limbs or My Time On Amazon

Baby hands. And baby feet. That you can mount on your wall. Because I don’t know why.

I’ll wander through Amazon now and again, and it always reminds me of how odd the world really is and how little we acknowledge it. In this case I was looking for a Father’s Day gift for David in the jewelry section when this wonderful bit of wall tackle popped up.

I get wanting a physical reminder of how small your child was, because you can never get those tiny fingers back once they grow up. I understand inkstamp handprints and bronzed baby shoes and all of that. But making a cast of them from almost the elbow down (remember, a baby’s arm isn’t all that long) and then mounting that cast on the wall so that it looks like you have a ghost baby emerging from the espresso stained wood fixture?

I mean, first of all, how do you even get a baby to stay still long enough to make a cast? Making a cast takes like 20 minutes and a lot of patience, something which babies are not world famous for.

Anyway, here is the link in case you have a need for that sort of thing. And hey, if you do end up buying and making floating baby hands, drop me a line and let me know. I’ll make sure to never come to your house.