(written March 11th, 2014 for a prayer request forum)
I’m in the hospital right now, will be for a while, in the middle of a D&E procedure. After church on Sunday I started bleeding heavily and went to the hospital. While the bleeding did stop they found a cloud of blood around the placenta when they did the ultrasound, and I was guaranteed to bleed again, and perhaps go into labor. With my son the age that he was he wouldn’t have survived labor, and there was a significant risk to me. So we agreed to let the hospital end the pregnancy, in the safest way possible for me, and with the least possible pain for my son.
Yesterday in the afternoon my husband and I got a cup of water from the hospital bathroom, blessed it, used it to bless the baby, and told God that we were giving our son to Him. And that he had better take good care of him until we get up there. Then the nurses came in, gave him a shot through my stomach, and he passed away within the minute. Now I’m waiting while they dialate me to have him taken out and cremated. I won’t be allowed to see the body because with this procedure he won’t be coming out in one piece.
Over a year ago God came to us and told us we would have a child when my husband was 23. We got pregnant and were so excited, wondering what kind of person he would be if he was so special God heralded his coming. As sad as I am and as frustrating and scary as this all is, I am proud of my son. The only thing he’s ever known was being safe and warm inside of me. God made him for heaven, he went straight there, so he must be important. I can see why He wanted him. We named our son Samson, and he was just as strong as his namesake, just as stubborn. If God needs another pair of hands in heaven, Samson will be more than capable.
I’m asking for prayer for me and my husband, but more than that I wanted to share the full fruition of our miracle. God came to us and asked us to carry a baby. God knew what that would mean, and when he would leave us, and he still chose us to carry this amazing little person. God must think pretty highly of us if that’s the job he gave us, and I am so happy to have gotten to be Samson’s mother.
His name is Samson Lawrence, my firstborn son, and his birthday is March 10th. He was stronger than any of us here, and it was a privilege to carry him.