If at first you don’t succeed, please stop because you’re making us all uncomfortable.

I don’t know who posted this originally, I found it on tumblr without a link, but they deserve a medal for the patience displayed.

This makes me glad I got married at 18, because proper dating was never a thing, and I never had to deal with people like this.

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Talking to other authors…

There is a secret world for internet columnists, one that I have recently been exposed to. In the interest of full disclosure I will be recording it here for public record.
Me:
Sticker
Me: Facebook has some weird stickers
Bryan: That is a dude who’s into bestiality and BDSM, and his flag belongs to no nation.
Me: Hey now, maybe it’s not bestiality, maybe his dog is just very dapper.
Bryan: The dog is flesh-colored. That’s upsetting.
Me: It’s a Chihuahau. They’re like the hairless cats of dogs, except they have hair. And are not cats.
Bryan: Chihuahuas don’t abide hats like that. I know this for a fact.
Bryan: Thanks, Uncle Milford, and your rat-dog from hell.
Me: I thought you were going to bed.
Bryan: I can’t. Today was an angry day.
Me: Ah. Well maybe you will calm down with some cat videos.
Me: Or you could watch 19 Kids and Counting. Michelle’s voice is very soothing.
Me: Quiet like a mouse.
Bryan: Ah. I’m doing it the old-fashioned way like the Amish.
Bryan: Waiting until my phone dies.
Me: And then angrily staring into the dark. Gotcha.
Bryan: YES! How did you ever!
Me: Then I will keep bothering you (and everyone else) until your phone dies.
Me: I’m a good friend like that.

The music scene is so much broader than just what’s on the radio.

My husband has a job which involves a lot of repetitious action, and to help along with that he listens pandora radio as he works. His favorite station is the swing station because as we’ve discussed we’re both secretly 95 years old, and he’ll send me songs periodically that are basically balm for the soul. Seriously, you know that one lotion that you got for Christmas from your rich aunt that smells like sunshine and babies and when you put it on your skin it’s nice and cool and smooth, and then afterwards you get into bed and your scratchy sheets feel like silk because you’re so damn moisturized? This song is like that, for your soul.

Other times he’ll send me songs that kind of break my brain, like this one by a guy who combines rap and swing and showtunes and indie and I don’t even know. He kind of just got up one day and was like, “you know what, I’m just going to be my spectacular self.”

And then even other times he sends me songs by robots. And the robots sing better than I ever could so dude I am so ready to welcome them into society. Robots are welcome in any world that I’m a part of because of these kinds of artistic contributions.

I’ve not got some overly philosophical conclusion to draw out of this, I just wanted to spread some joy in your life.

I am a grumpy old lady.

When I was a teenager fourth of july was an absolute blast. We burned holes in our clothes, pulled fireworks open in order to combine them, and once set a neighbor’s bushes on fire. I’m very glad I was at a friend’s house and not anywhere my mother could see because I would have given that poor woman early angina. Every year David and I got a bit safer but no less enthusiastic about turning the neighborhood into a battle zone.

I don’t know what happened in the past year but this fourth of july I was sitting in a plastic yard chair at my in-law’s house, watching the fountains and mortars go off, and I was grumpy as all get out. The fireworks were too dangerous for my liking, everyone else was too reckless, it was too dark, the trees were too close, I was just an absolute nightmare to be around. It had nothing to do with whether or not I got to light them. I was just not into it this year. I think this tears it, I am officially an old lady at 22 years old.

So instead David, his sister Amanda, and I all went in the house to an upstairs bedroom and watched the more young at heart people light the fireworks off out the window while we talked about life and moving plans and how grumpy we all were. It was actually a nice cap to the night.

So what’s the next holiday again? I think it’s Labor Day? Well I’m going camping Labor Day with family so I think I’ll have to take some precautions against my grump. Maybe they can duct tape me to a tree. Or, like, intentionally induce laryngitis.

Or I guess I could assign David to be my aide and he can shush me a lot and add “she doesn’t mean it” after everything I say. But I’m suspecting he’s just as grumpy as I am and I’m afraid that might backfire.

Vegan! For good this time.

I tried to put off blogging again until I had something other than veganism to talk about. That clearly is not going to happen so I apologize but this is going to be a blog about that for a while. Yup.

So, in the time between my last post about veganism and now it has become a permanent change. I move fast apparently. What happened was I was doing research into how to go about this diet healthfully. I learned a lot about omega 3 fats and omega 6 fats, about protein and B12, and about the different kinds of proteins we take in from animal to vegetable. It’s all very good info, and I’m coming to believe that a more plant based diet is a healthy and beneficial diet.

As the research went on though I was exposed more to the ethical side of it. And I was reminded that when I quit my vegetarianism years ago it was not for a very good reason. Put shortly, it was for a boy. I never stopped believing the things I used to I just put up a wall around them in order to bolster a high school relationship which ended up blowing up anyway.

So I’m vegan again. Permanently, or at least that’s the plan. And it’s been going so much better than it did last time, mostly because I am much more educated about the facets of nutrition and am more in control of what food I have on hand as an adult than I was as a teenager.

It’s been an interesting transition. But it’s been good, and aside from family visits where milk couldn’t be avoided (David’s birthday, wasn’t about to pitch a fit) I’ve held fast. After watching Earthlings it’s hard to even have milk without feeling an immense amount of guilt.

Pasta! Homemade vegan raviolis in an amateur kitchen.

Long title. Bit unwieldy. That’s okay.

When I first decided to stay at home we started saving grocery money because, in my abundant free time, I started making more and more things by hand. A bag of rice and a tin of peas goes a long way when you’ve got the right spices, longer than I think most people realize.

Now that I’m vegan, it’s gotten even closer to scratch cooking, because vegan prepared foods are so, so expensive and dried chickpeas are so, so cheap. I’m making more and more things by hand and realizing how easy it really is to do that. Which is why today I am bringing you: Vegan Spinach Ravioli!

Is this a cooking blog? I don’t even know really.

I am using this recipe for the vegan pasta. Most pasta you buy at the store is vegan, but I had to make this one from scratch if I wanted to have a say in the filling. It’s a recipe that doesn’t require any fussy ratios or semolina flour, which I appreciate because I seriously cannot be bothered with that. Here we go!

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Be sure to pour yourself a glass of wine. This is integral to the pasta making process. Really any dough. You need a good buzz going so the dough can’t hurt your feelings when it refuses to cooperate.

It also helps to have Animal Hoarders on, although you can substitute your trashy tv show of choice.

K, first make the dough the way the site I linked to makes the dough. You’ll know it’s ready when kneading it gets a lot more pleasant. They say smooth, and they mean it. By the end there it was not sticky, not dry, kind of springy it was like a softer stress ball. It gave positive feedback. The dough loves you, it wants to reassure you, everything will be okay says the pretty ball of dough.

Cover the dough in the blanket. It deserves that compassion after being so good to you. Leave it for ten minutes so it can achieve oneness with the universe.

Push it flat with your hands and cut it into five pieces. They don’t have to be equal, because you’re adaptable. You got this. Get those suckers rolled into balls, and in a row.

Now comes the part where you will become keenly aware that you don’t own a rolling pin. Improvise. I used a water glass, but you can use a blender or a hairspray can or a toddler’s arm. Any cylinder in your house, get creative.

This is a good time to make your husband a drink and suggest he go play that video game he just bought because, surprise, he’s home on time and you’re not ready. It will work. It always works.

I don’t know how I was supposed to do this, but I microwaved spinach with some margarine, stirred it to distribute it all, then put a pinch of spinach in each place I wanted a ravioli to be. Like, a rough grid. Then I laid on of the dough pieces on top of that, and I cut out the grid, and I pulled it apart and pinched the edges.

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Pursuant to the directions, which I suddenly decided to read again, I laid them out in a single layer on plates to dry. Flipped them over after a bit. They didn’t really dry though because they were full of hot, wet spinach.

After, like, a normal amount of time I got a pot of water on to boil and threw the mostly dry raviolis in. They weren’t as dry as finished pasta should be, but David was already home, and I needed to get a move on.

My trick is to get the water to a boil, throw the pasta in, let it get to a boil again, and then turn the heat on medium low. Let it stay on medium low for like fifteen minutes. It will keep boiling and the pasta will double or triple in size. If you’re looking to cut calories this is a fun trick because you feel obscenely full on a 1/2 cup of pasta. They just get so big!

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Incidentally, I made an entire package of spinach for this and used barely any of it. While everything was cooking I ate the rest. I highly recommend this step.

David wanted avocado, I wanted marinara. Both options are vegan. It came out delicious and was so easy. If I can make pasta, literally anyone can make pasta. The one advice I would give is let the pasta adequately dry. The recipe said 10-15 minutes drying, I allowed maybe 20 minutes because of the filling, neither was enough. It came out chewy. Make these the day before if you can so they can sit in the open air for as long as they need to to gain the consistency of normal dry pasta. They refrigerate no problem, and boil up quick.